I have been back in the UK for four years, four months and nineteen days. I had big plans for my return to the UK, I had it all worked out, get work into a London gallery, make connections, network, glass residencies and classes and various other ambitious plans to continue my exciting career in glass...
It has not happened like that, over the first few month I had a few small commissions and got work into some small galleries, little and often and that was fine but I was still dreaming big. Over the next few weeks I got rejected from every major gallery I applied to, got shot down for not one but two assisting jobs....AN ASSISTING JOB! and had a commission cancelled and my safe little bubble burst. My happy little supportive (Australian) bubble went pop, I had been so used to the JamFactory and the support of my fellow makers and that was something that was missing and I realised I didn't really know anyone in the UK glass community, I was on my own and it was terrifying.
It was disappointment after disappointment and I became dis-heartened and lost my enthusiasm, my passion and I wondered how many more rejections I should take before calling it quits? They kept coming and I needed money, so I got a 'regular' person job. I started to sit behind a desk and hit buttons all day.
I have been hitting buttons for nearly eighteen months, with a few outings into the glass world and I have realised that hitting buttons is not for me. I want to be making, I have always been better at doing things with my hands than my brain, and better at glass than any other material I have been interested in. I want to get involved with the glass community here, I want to be making.
I don't know why I love making glass, and however much I think about it I can't put my finger on exactly why. It's beautiful, it's exciting, it fascinating, its exhausting, it requires continuous training, if you work with glass your brain is constantly occupied, it's not a bad thing, it's very demanding but not bad and I miss that, the constant occupation of my brain with idea's and processes and grand plans. I miss my enthusiasm and my energy for this incredible material.
So this year, I decided enough was enough and started applying to everything I could think of, classes and residencies mostly and I have had rejections but I have had acceptances as well and it feels good. Now i'm thinking 'you know what, I am good at making glass, I can do this, yes, i'm out of practice but I can do this!!'. So I am off to Seattle in August to go to Pilchuck and take a class with Nancy Callan, I am EXTREMELY excited, I can't quite explain how excited I am. This class is going to re-define my practice, don't get me wrong, I am not expecting the world, I am not delusional but I am hopeful, hopeful that by September I will have a new repertoire of skills and a host of new idea's.
I'm not really sure where I will go from here, I am in a transitional period where everything is up in the air and i'm not sure what will happen. I have no idea what I am going to make, how I am going to make it, how I am going to afford to make it, whether whatever it is that I make will be admired and accepted? There are constant worries and concerns but honestly, at the moment even having those worries is reassuring because you only worry about the things you care about most.
So that is my sob story, boo hoo, i'm over it, i'm moving on and I am going to work my butt off to get my practice back to where it should be. Stay tuned.
